How Do We Cure Our Health Care Party Hangover?

Let's remember that when the Democrats controlled Congress and the White House, they used much the same hyper-partisan tactics we just saw from Republicans to pass the Affordable Care Act (ACA), which the Republicans derisively nicknamed ObamaCare. The Republicans had to do something in opposition because President Obama's plan was copied from the successful program then-Governor Mitt Romney a Republican, passed in Massachusetts, called RomneyCare. (Branding matters in dealing with low-information, partisan voters.)

Due to the capitalistic basis of our healthcare system, and the lack of focus on preventive care, costs in the US are significantly higher than every other country, so there's not much that is affordable about it for anybody. Given that these structural market factors are unlikely to change, pretty much the only way we can make health care more affordable for millions is to have as many people contributing their money into a shared pool to subsidize others. Hence, mandates. A source of conflict for many, including me.

As a person who has always been conservative with my body - I eat healthful foods, avoid unhealthful foods, regularly engage in sufficient exercise to maintain a strong, flexible body and a healthy weight, avoid unhealthful habits that degrade my body, etc. - I have sometimes resented that my pooled money goes to subisidize others who do not take the most basic personal responsibility for their own health. I remind myself that I would only be acting contrary to my own and everyone's best interest if I allowed that belief to dictate my politics, so I accept that my pooled money subsidizes others who are free to make personal life choices that cost everyone more and that I would not make.

Anyway, the Republicans named their latest unwritten bill the Health Care Freedom Act (HCFA) the freedom in this case being that no one would be forced to have health insurance coverage, so no one would be forced to help subsidize others' health care. Although I dislike knowing my money subsidizes health costs for many peoole who I think make consistently poor choices that result in entirely preventable disorders and diseases that monopolize our shared healthcare system, I know that if I did not do that, we would all be the worse for it. I'm selfish; I want to live in a country where everyone is as healthy as possible, as I think this is the surest basis (alongside excellent education for all) for a healthy and strong nation.

If you share my dislike of the current unhealthy hyper-bi-partisan legislative system that brought us not-optimal AHA and almost brought us mystery-awful-even-to-Republicans HCFA, I encourage you to re-examine your commitment to supporting that system by considering leaving whichever of the two parties to which you are registered. The fastest-growing political affiliation is each state's version of "decline to state" or "independent," so many people are already paving the way to our exodus from hyper-partisan gridlock. Until The People vote with their political registrations, the two major parties will continue to play their party-first, country-last politcial team games and we will all lose in the melée.

Remember what Albert Einstein said was the definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. We've just witnessed the same thing twice, from both teams, on this and many other critical issues. If you expect them to put aside their need for party wins to prioritize wins for all The People, well, there may not be affordable health care to properly diagnose and treat your condition.

Games I Play - Pointless, Intentional and Kindness

Many people who know me know that I have strong feelings about games. I hate to be forced to play group games, like cards and dominoes. I'd much prefer to play solitaire or do a crossword puzzle, or, if I do play a group game, I enjoy games like Trivial Pursuit or Charades.

Fewer people who know me know that I love to make up and play my own games. I play two types of games - Pointless games and Intentional games. Pointless games have no real point, they're just something I do that is a fun way for me to enjoyably focus my attention for a period of time. I mostly play these games when I'm out in public walking or dining, and I'll often invite people who are with me to play too if they wish. Most of the time I just play and keep score for myself. It keeps me out of the troubles I might get into by engaging in otherwise unsupervised, catastrophic thinking.

One Pointless game I play as I drive the six hour drive back home from my favorite ski destination is to count the number of autos stopped by California Highway Patrol or local Police in opposite directions of travel. For example, a score of a memorable game from last ski season was Northbound 4, Southbound 1. I thank all those drivers for attracting the attention of speed ticketing operations, even though I always obey the speed limits. Another fun, low-scoring game is counting the number of vehicles I pass on that same trip.

One of my favorite Pointless games when I'm on a boat or at the seaside is to wonder and declare how far I think I am at that moment from the nearest shark, whale, octopus or submarine, etc. I appear to enjoy this particular Pointless game far more than others judging from the puzzlement I see on their faces when they realize there's no intention or practical way of verifying the guess. It's just fun for me to think about.

Intentional games can seem like Pointless games, but their purpose is to focus my attention and intention on something I consider favorable, positive and desirable. Some Intentional games focus my attention on positive aspects of what otherwise might be considered problems, frustrations or bad situations. Even though these Intentional games seem small, fleeting and unserious, my experience of playing them tells me they have a definite impact on my personal capacity to look for, perceive, accept and practice kindness and other positive aspects in myself and others. This is an example where serious, lasting, significant personal growth is wrapped in an apparently trivial, fast and fun habit. I have been judged and ridiculed for my obsession with game invention and playing and I stand by it as a powerful personal tool for supporting my unique spirit and temperament.

I play the Intentional Kindness Game every day, sometimes for just a limited period of time, like when I'm particpating in a contentious or controversial conversation, Sometimes I play for the whole day because I feel a need to. There is only one rule in the Kindness Game: interpret everything I witness, as in reading, listening or observing behavior, through the kindest lens possible. Often, to do this, I have to notice that I'm habitually and reflexively starting from the most unkind lens possible, and then I make an effort to find and believe the kindest possible interpretation.

How did I come to invent and play the Kindness Game? Years ago I was flatly told by someone who had credibility with me that I had a predictable tendency to hear and interpret what other people said in the unkindest, least charitable way possible and that it wasn't a happy experience for her. I'm sure many others have had similar reactions to me and just never had the courage, closeness, caring or capability to say it to my face. Although that was difficult to hear, thanks to how well I knew and trusted her, I knew she meant it in the kindest way possible. Thank you Susan.

I began to focus my intention on noticing whether or not what she said about me was correct. My observations of my reactions to other people and events overwhelmingly supported what she was saying. At that point I had a choice. I could either take the easy, lazy, irrresponsible way out: "I grew up that way. It's how I am and I can't change. If you don't like it, lump it." Or I could take the more difficult, effortful, responsible and character-building route: "Yeah, it's been a tendency of mine for several reasons. I don't like the experience of myself and others it gives me. I want to create a kinder, more peaceful, positive outlook." I chose the latter and it has made a real difference in my life.

I know that some others have noticed the change in me because they've told me so, while others have not noticed. Truth in advertising here: sometimes other people don't experience me as being kind because there are still times when I am unkind. I struggle from time to time with being respectful and kind in situations where I am unable to find an interpretation and response that perfectly fulfills either of those values. At those times, and other times too when I am being kind, other people will perceive me as being unkind either because it's demonstrably true or because they have their own filter of unkindness through which they are perceiving and interpreting. But that's not my business.  How other people see me is their business, not mine, and I'm happy to not be responsible for that. I'm happy to take responsibility for me and leave others free to be who they are.

I play the Kindness game whenever I notice I am having an unkind or other stressful response to something someone said or did. This could either be in person, while consuming news meida, or more likely in these days of social media interaction, online. I play it a lot.

For example, I like Facebook and I am on it pretty much every day. Because I have "Friends" across a very broad range of people who I've known at various points in my varied life, I sometimes am confronted by a post someone has made that strikes me as mean, spiteful, insulting or outright hateful. When I notice my judgment that whatever was posted is very unkind, I actually stop and look for what I could plausibly believe is the kindest interpretation possible in that situation. I don't just make up a pie in the sky, disconnected-from-reality, implausible story of kindness about that person's post. I really think about what I think I know of that person, what my experience of them has been over time, what might be going on with them right now and what their general character is. I look for a deeper truth about them and me. If it's someone I know really well, I'm able to quickly see and believe the kindest possible interpretation of what they've shared and believe it. Or not.

Sometimes, people actually mean to be unkind, so I recognize that and  accept it and let go of the judgment that they should be different when clearly they are not. Other times, I can see they're in reaction to something that's temporarily triggering their unkindness. In rare cases, I discover that I've overlooked when a person has displayed a history of unkindness and ill-intention. I then consider to what degree it benefits me to continue to be affected by their predictable stream of unkindness and choose how I want to continue interacting with them. Or not.

In cases when I don't really know the person well, because Facebook allows me to connect with people I knew decades ago and have not heard from since, or because we were never close to begin with, I can usually find the kindest possible interpretation, but not always. In the cases where I fail  to detect any kindness I become confused, because I assume that anyone who goes to the trouble of choosing to beFriend me on Facebook has kindly intentions. In instances where I care enough, my solution is to check. I ask their intention, either in a comment that may be seen by others, or in a personal message, and I ask in as kindly a way as is possible for me. Usually, the response is positive and they generously explain their intention for my understanding. I let them know I appreciate that and we're able to move along together in kindness.  Other people don't respond and so I can't reliably assume that their original post or comment was indeed meant in the kindest way possible. I accept that and move along.

No matter what happens in the Kindness Game, my goal is to make it possible for others to win as often as I can. I never keep score in the Kindness Game, and I always win, intentionally. Would you like to play? You can't lose.

Core Value of Being Respectful, Meet Your New Teacher, President-Elect Trump

In the two months following our last Presidential election, I have been struggling to accept and respect the fact that our electoral system and a sufficient number of my fellow Americans in certain states, elected Donald Trump as the next leader of my country. I've followed his public and private career for decades like most of us have, simply because he craved attention and the media found it profitable to give it to him. He has revealed, and tried to conceal, much of himself to the public over the years.

The fact of his election smacks painfully up against my belief, based on observing his life choices and values, how he treats others, and how what he says reveals about how he thinks, that he is the singularly most unfit person possible to occupy the Presidency. That statement seems hyperbolic only when I consider there may be others that might be even less fit based on similar criteria, but they are not visible to me in that political sphere.

Accepting and respecting the reality of what is, and what apparently will be, is a challenge for me right now. The universe could not have served up a situation more perfect for testing my resolve to be respectful. Donald Trump exists to serve as my teacher in my lifeclass in personal growth. How's that for a cosmic joke?

Accepting and respecting Donald Trump would not be such an issue or challenge if it weren't so vital to my own well-being. It is at times like this that I wish I was someone for whom being respectful and accepting reality was not a conscious concern, let alone a high priority. It sure doesn't help that my inner stand-up comedian repeatedly tosses up clever, cheap jokes at Trump's expense as I write this. But, as inconvenient and effort-intensive as it is to be respectful at times, it is my Core Value, so I'm stuck with it.

I'll tell you a bit more about why being respectful is a Core Value for me and how I know it's true. A Core Value may be defined as one which, if we personally don't live it, always puts us in misery. In my case, whenever I am disrespectful I feel awful to my core and I see that ugliness whenever I look in the mirror, metaphorically and actually. As a person who was raised in evironments in which disrespect was a habit - unconscious and conscious - and in a culture where it is also the basis of most humor, this personal experience of disrespect, as both recipient and disher-out, led to decades of judgment. Fortunately, as an adult I became interested in exploring, discovering and dismantling that self-judgment connection, which led me to learn about Core Values.

There are other values, among them honesty, fairness and unconditional love, that others say are their Core Values and those are not mine. Honesty? Not a core value for me. There are many situations in which I will choose to be dishonest and I will not feel bad about it in the slightest. I will also not believe I am being disrespectful in those specific circumstances. Indeed, I believe that, for me, in those circumstances, dishonesty is the best way for me to be respectful of my own self and values that others are not respecting.

What are some example of situations in which I will be dishonest wihtout feeling disrespectful? Political polls that will be used to unethically influence others, intrusive questions in which the answers are none of the inquisitor's business, ephemeral situations of no consequence where I will never encounter that person again and dishonesty insures safety and expedience - all examples where being honest is not a value I will uphold in that interaction. I will lie and not bat an eye. But disrespect? If I fail to uphold that value I feel like I've just stuck a needle in my eye.

Which brings me back to Donald Trump. To a man whose every Tweet, utterance and promise is either a demonstrable lie, an uniformed opinion that, if shared and acted upon, holds the power to cause others harm, or, based on  his own decades-long example, simply an unfiltered, self-aggrandizing fantasy with a childish insult added to bolster his apparently single-ply ego. At this point, those of you who are Trump supporters and are still curious enough to have read this far are probably thinking "She doesn't struggle with disrespect. She sits next to it on the couch and enjoys a nice long gossip with it" and you'd be right. On the surface. Inside I am experiencing the pain of cognitive dissonance of holding two clashing beliefs. One: Being Respectful is my Core Value and I am committed to live it as I live my life. Two: Donald Trump is not worthy of my respect. Until I can reconcile these two conflicting beliefs, I will continue to struggle and to give myself a free pass to speak disrespectfully about him from time to time.

So, how do I fulfill my personal mandate to be respectful of a person who I believe is not behaving in ways that are worthy of respect? As I write this question and sit with it, I notice that in my exceptions to being respectful that I outlined above, at first glance I don't think Donald Trump fits neatly into any of them. Further thought leads me to see how his speech and behavior fall into the political polls category. I see I need to refine the concept to fit how I actually perceive it - 'Political speech and actions, including polls, that attempt to unethically influence others are situations in which it is not important that I be respectful' is more accurate. Now I've successfully reached a slippery slope that will allow me to exempt myself from being respectful of Donald Trump as President.

Having rationalized disrespect through the slickness of my own thinking one would think that I would feel at peace about it, right? Only I don't. I still have a deeper belief that, for my own self, I need to find my way to being respectful of him. This is not an ephermeral situation and it is of great consequence, which apparently trumps the political ethics exception. Dang, this self-awareness and holding myself accountable to living my values can be hard cheese at times.

As everybody who knows me well knows, I'm not perfect and I never will be. So, until I find my way to finding more perfect respectfulness towards Donald Trump, those of you who choose to be in my life will just witness what that looks and sounds like. At times it will look like nothing but silence and absence. Other times it will look like whatever it will look like. That's for you to decide.

If the future is anything like the past, when you see or hear me being disrespectful towards Donald Trump, you'll either want to clobber me or cheer me. But that has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you. I'm one person, your reaction to me is yours, not mine and the fact that different people have completely differernt responses is proof of that.

Hey, it could be worse! I could be even more disrespectful and insist that you uphold my Core Value of being respectful too. Now, aren't you glad I've got that part of being respectful of you handled?