In the two months following our last Presidential election, I have been struggling to accept and respect the fact that our electoral system and a sufficient number of my fellow Americans in certain states, elected Donald Trump as the next leader of my country. I've followed his public and private career for decades like most of us have, simply because he craved attention and the media found it profitable to give it to him. He has revealed, and tried to conceal, much of himself to the public over the years.
The fact of his election smacks painfully up against my belief, based on observing his life choices and values, how he treats others, and how what he says reveals about how he thinks, that he is the singularly most unfit person possible to occupy the Presidency. That statement seems hyperbolic only when I consider there may be others that might be even less fit based on similar criteria, but they are not visible to me in that political sphere.
Accepting and respecting the reality of what is, and what apparently will be, is a challenge for me right now. The universe could not have served up a situation more perfect for testing my resolve to be respectful. Donald Trump exists to serve as my teacher in my lifeclass in personal growth. How's that for a cosmic joke?
Accepting and respecting Donald Trump would not be such an issue or challenge if it weren't so vital to my own well-being. It is at times like this that I wish I was someone for whom being respectful and accepting reality was not a conscious concern, let alone a high priority. It sure doesn't help that my inner stand-up comedian repeatedly tosses up clever, cheap jokes at Trump's expense as I write this. But, as inconvenient and effort-intensive as it is to be respectful at times, it is my Core Value, so I'm stuck with it.
I'll tell you a bit more about why being respectful is a Core Value for me and how I know it's true. A Core Value may be defined as one which, if we personally don't live it, always puts us in misery. In my case, whenever I am disrespectful I feel awful to my core and I see that ugliness whenever I look in the mirror, metaphorically and actually. As a person who was raised in evironments in which disrespect was a habit - unconscious and conscious - and in a culture where it is also the basis of most humor, this personal experience of disrespect, as both recipient and disher-out, led to decades of judgment. Fortunately, as an adult I became interested in exploring, discovering and dismantling that self-judgment connection, which led me to learn about Core Values.
There are other values, among them honesty, fairness and unconditional love, that others say are their Core Values and those are not mine. Honesty? Not a core value for me. There are many situations in which I will choose to be dishonest and I will not feel bad about it in the slightest. I will also not believe I am being disrespectful in those specific circumstances. Indeed, I believe that, for me, in those circumstances, dishonesty is the best way for me to be respectful of my own self and values that others are not respecting.
What are some example of situations in which I will be dishonest wihtout feeling disrespectful? Political polls that will be used to unethically influence others, intrusive questions in which the answers are none of the inquisitor's business, ephemeral situations of no consequence where I will never encounter that person again and dishonesty insures safety and expedience - all examples where being honest is not a value I will uphold in that interaction. I will lie and not bat an eye. But disrespect? If I fail to uphold that value I feel like I've just stuck a needle in my eye.
Which brings me back to Donald Trump. To a man whose every Tweet, utterance and promise is either a demonstrable lie, an uniformed opinion that, if shared and acted upon, holds the power to cause others harm, or, based on his own decades-long example, simply an unfiltered, self-aggrandizing fantasy with a childish insult added to bolster his apparently single-ply ego. At this point, those of you who are Trump supporters and are still curious enough to have read this far are probably thinking "She doesn't struggle with disrespect. She sits next to it on the couch and enjoys a nice long gossip with it" and you'd be right. On the surface. Inside I am experiencing the pain of cognitive dissonance of holding two clashing beliefs. One: Being Respectful is my Core Value and I am committed to live it as I live my life. Two: Donald Trump is not worthy of my respect. Until I can reconcile these two conflicting beliefs, I will continue to struggle and to give myself a free pass to speak disrespectfully about him from time to time.
So, how do I fulfill my personal mandate to be respectful of a person who I believe is not behaving in ways that are worthy of respect? As I write this question and sit with it, I notice that in my exceptions to being respectful that I outlined above, at first glance I don't think Donald Trump fits neatly into any of them. Further thought leads me to see how his speech and behavior fall into the political polls category. I see I need to refine the concept to fit how I actually perceive it - 'Political speech and actions, including polls, that attempt to unethically influence others are situations in which it is not important that I be respectful' is more accurate. Now I've successfully reached a slippery slope that will allow me to exempt myself from being respectful of Donald Trump as President.
Having rationalized disrespect through the slickness of my own thinking one would think that I would feel at peace about it, right? Only I don't. I still have a deeper belief that, for my own self, I need to find my way to being respectful of him. This is not an ephermeral situation and it is of great consequence, which apparently trumps the political ethics exception. Dang, this self-awareness and holding myself accountable to living my values can be hard cheese at times.
As everybody who knows me well knows, I'm not perfect and I never will be. So, until I find my way to finding more perfect respectfulness towards Donald Trump, those of you who choose to be in my life will just witness what that looks and sounds like. At times it will look like nothing but silence and absence. Other times it will look like whatever it will look like. That's for you to decide.
If the future is anything like the past, when you see or hear me being disrespectful towards Donald Trump, you'll either want to clobber me or cheer me. But that has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you. I'm one person, your reaction to me is yours, not mine and the fact that different people have completely differernt responses is proof of that.
Hey, it could be worse! I could be even more disrespectful and insist that you uphold my Core Value of being respectful too. Now, aren't you glad I've got that part of being respectful of you handled?
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